Arguments...happen in every relationship... whether it is a poison that bring damages to relationship or a medicine that strengthen our relationship, all depend on us..
argument makes us understand each other more, helps us to express our feelings and thoughts, creates a chance to learn to appologize and to forgive...isn't it great?
but well, it was really hard for us to get through arguments ...both of us have the principles to hold onto...thank God that He helps us to grow in this area where emotions have been stirring up so strong within us which had destroyed our wisdom to LOVE each other...
Thank God for His grace that now we become even sweeter than ever after all the arguments..and it is blessing-counting time!
He came to my house earlier than espected, he texted me 'i am outside your house now' when i was sleeping.. yes.. he was taking initiative trying to make me feel better...I brought him into my room.. looking at his tired face, I pulled him to my bed, allowing him to have some rest.. he is really not used to speaking I think, but after some time, he hugged me with his arm, pushed me towards him and we kissed.. I felt so touched as I knew that he has been moving out of his comfort zone (putting down his pride and make peace with me)...
then we had our lunch at a restaurant, it was my bad that I actually brought up again the issue that we were arguing.. and undeniably it started...in a more gentle manner this time.. I was trying to control my emotions and think wisely, in the end, I successfully stopped that argument and debate by letting go my need and respect his opinion.. he played his part well too in trying to comfort me as he knew that though that argument had been putting to an end, I was not feeling happy or persuaded...
on the way toward PJ live arts, we had fun in the car, I was making so much noise but I was surprised that he actually enjoyed... he smiled all the way and at that time I realized that, the more he smiles, the more happy I am.. his smile is influential !
Finally we reached.. he has a unique attitude and action that I could never find from other guys so far: he so dared to ask people for directions! well, this is a good characteristic indeed, as I was dead tired to see guys insist on not asking stranger for help for the sake of keeping their image...please la...
the show started and ended fast, this was not because of the duration of the theatre was short, it was because the every moment I am with him, time always flies fast...and it was time to separate, before we get into his car, he bought me my favourite oreo biscuits which brighten my next day when I was starving and rushing to church.. it cheered me up during my frustration...
I fed him KFC throughout the journey heading back to Seremban... it was really a memorable moment...we laughed like crazy, shouted like mad, talking nuisance...this was how we treasure each other..
thank you Jerald for participating into my life and together we try our very best to create the memories and ignite the moments...and thank you god for creating this character, Jerald while writing my life story...
Getting into relationship is really life challenging...you got to accept his weaknesses as like how God accepted me despite of my sins.
my heart was pain...when he talked to me...and i could smell the smoke which was so strong coming out from his mouth... i know that he has been smoking, i don't know whether he has been putting effort in getting rid of the habit of smoking and fighting against it...he could be acting in front of me but i choosed to trust him and to trust God...no one could change him except for God and himself...i am praying for him...so that he can continue to move forward and never be discouraged by his failure, i proclaimed that no self-condemnation could draw him backwards...i hope i can be invited to involve into his life and always be his source of support and encouragement.
first time, he was crying in front of me, i din't know that i have been giving him so much pressure, making him thinks that he is not good enough...well, i am not good as well, i have my past, yet he accepted me without hesitation...i feel guilty of being unreasonably demanding, i feel guilty of being not understanding at all, i feel guilty of being self-fish..
if i am given a chance to show him how great he really is, i will show him myself, to let him know that loving me, such a broken person is already great enough..
well, there are something good throughout the trip, blessing counting is one way to learn to be appreciative! first of all, his awesome friend Zi Bing...i am thankful to meet him and given the chances to get closer to him...well, he is really a nice one to talk to, funny and 'like a boss' ..i felt so bad that i have been occupying Jerald, making him not being available for Zi Bing who was suppose to be the main person in this trip...he is lonely, and he needs attentions, he could not be fulfiled by anything accept God, i hope that one day he will receive the salvation from God and and feel the love of Jesus Christ, the only one..
then the food, the scenary, the environment and every moment when he was beside me were simple and nice, though i din't get the chance to hold his hand while visiting those wonderful garden and farm, but looking at his back, i felt the warmth...though sometimes i could not understand his emotions but it was cute in a way...watching someone that you love sleep at the night...is more than anything... i enjoyed throughout the trip...
Lastly, a bouquet of roses, it was the thing that i have been longing for...though there is no speechless surprise, no sweet awkward confession moment, but thinking of the HEARTwork that he did...i am satisfied...it was more than enough..
'a simple thing done out of a true heart is still touching' was what i was thinking...suddenly i realize that i grew to be more matured ...though there are still a lot to improve, i am amazed by my thoughts and attitude, i believe it is God who transform me with His powerful unconditional love...
i feel complicated, i am confused by myself....
finally, i told him the truth...i had been struggling since the first time we met each other.. i thought i could finally release myself from the feeling of guilty and self-condemned...but, it is just the opposite...the feeling of guilty and unworthy grew stronger...i know exactly why is it: he understands and accepted my past without slightest hesitation...he reacted just the opposite of what i have thought he would respond... do i deserve to have him? i am hesitating, he never asked me about my past, he tries to change for good, he does everything he could to qualify himself, he accepted me regardless of my past...
"the best thing in life is finding someone who knows all your flaws, mistakes and weaknesses but still thinks that you are completely amazing. " quoted from facebook. Do i deserve to experience this best thing in life? God, how can You send me someone who is so good that my mind could not comprehend ?
he always say that i am a blessing to him...i never thought that i am..i am a disaster to him, disturbing and disrupting his life.. i am the root cause of making him smokes! i am so frustrated ..i hated myself..
in the night, we went for movie 'The White House', he held my hand throughout the movie show... at that moment, i felt so loved...he values me more than i value myself...i am someone precious to him..! Thinking back things that he had done- the bear, the converse t-shirt, the time he spent on driving me to and fro Malacca, the initiation he took to join christian society, the longest message that he sent to me, the way he looks at me, the affirmation that he gave me, the encouragement that he said....
Immediately, i woke up: how can i think myself so badly while he never thought me like that... i was being self-fish as i could make him sad or even annoyed when i continue to be self-pity and feeling low self-esteemed... i should strive to be better for him..never give him up is the only thing i should do to repay him... unless he first give me up...God, set me free from all the negative thoughts, resume my confidence, maximize me to be a wonderful woman whom he could proud of...continue to mold me so as to match him, the one You gave me..i hope i will be a blessing to him, to be the only one at his side, together we go through all the challenges in lives..together we grow stronger in Christ...together we experience the love of God...thank you God for him..
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!
2 corinthians 5:17
Arguments...happen in every relationship... whether it is a poison that bring damages to relationship or a medicine that strengthen our relationship, all depend on us..
then we had our lunch at a restaurant, it was my bad that I actually brought up again the issue that we were arguing.. and undeniably it started...in a more gentle manner this time.. I was trying to control my emotions and think wisely, in the end, I successfully stopped that argument and debate by letting go my need and respect his opinion.. he played his part well too in trying to comfort me as he knew that though that argument had been putting to an end, I was not feeling happy or persuaded...
