Be Appreciative

Getting into relationship is really life challenging...you got to accept his weaknesses as like how God accepted me despite of my sins.

my heart was pain...when he talked to me...and i could smell the smoke which was so strong coming out from his mouth... i know that he has been smoking, i don't know whether he has been putting effort in getting rid of the habit of smoking and fighting against it...he could be acting in front of me but i choosed to trust him and to trust God...no one could change him except for God and himself...i am praying for him...so that he can continue to move forward and never be discouraged by his failure, i proclaimed that no self-condemnation could draw him backwards...i hope i can be invited to involve into his life and always be his source of support and encouragement.

first time, he was crying in front of me, i din't know that i have been giving him so much pressure, making him thinks that he is not good enough...well, i am not good as well, i have my past, yet he accepted me without hesitation...i feel guilty of being unreasonably demanding, i feel guilty of being not understanding at all, i feel guilty of being self-fish..

if i am given a chance to show him how great he really is, i will show him myself, to let him know that loving me, such a broken person is already great enough..

well, there are something good throughout the trip, blessing counting is one way to learn to be appreciative! first of all, his awesome friend Zi Bing...i am thankful to meet him and given the chances to get closer to him...well, he is really a nice one to talk to, funny and 'like a boss' ..i felt so bad that i have been occupying Jerald, making him not being available for Zi Bing who was suppose to be the main person in this trip...he is lonely, and he needs attentions, he could not be fulfiled by anything accept God, i hope that one day he will receive the salvation from God and and feel the love of Jesus Christ, the only one..

then the food, the scenary, the environment and every moment when he was beside me were simple and nice, though i din't get the chance to hold his hand while visiting those wonderful garden and farm, but looking at his back, i felt the warmth...though sometimes i could not understand his emotions but it was cute in a way...watching someone that you love sleep at the night...is more than anything... i enjoyed throughout the trip...

Lastly, a bouquet of roses, it was the thing that i have been longing for...though there is no speechless surprise, no sweet awkward confession moment, but thinking of the HEARTwork that he did...i am satisfied...it was more than enough..

'a simple thing done out of a true heart is still touching' was what i was thinking...suddenly i realize that i grew to be more matured ...though there are still a lot to improve, i am amazed by my thoughts and attitude, i believe it is God who transform me with His powerful unconditional love...